That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
