I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize