I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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