Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
