If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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