Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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