Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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