a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
