Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
