dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
