my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
