**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
