Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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