Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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