That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
