I'm jealous of your bromance
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize