apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize