literally had 100 drinks last night.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
