Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
