you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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