my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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