Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
