I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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