I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
