So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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