Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
