no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I didn't shave. On purpose
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
