69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize