Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
