dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
