And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
