There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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