we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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