It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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