If that was your dad, he is hot
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
