After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize