He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
