Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
