Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
