So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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