the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
