sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
