She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
