Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
