I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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