Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
