I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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