1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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