super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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