If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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