that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
