she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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