well you can't waste a boner
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My penis needs a shock collar
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
