I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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