So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
