11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
