Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
