I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
