You made me cry and you don't even care
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
