I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
