And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize