Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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