She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
