Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
