He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
