I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
